However, I can see them wanting someone who can "support" me for when I get married or commit myself long-term to someone. Veterans are more likely to have a college degree and meaningful employment that civilians. Statistically, seeing your boyfriend is intelligent and most likely humble and a hard worker, people saying he can't provide if thats what you're after , or that you won't be compatible don't know what they're talking about.
I mean it, they are completely clueless, don't listen to their crap. Its none of their business anyway. You have very little to loose pressing forward in the relationship, and everything to gain. No, they are not clueless. She said it herself, he lacks ambition. When you don't have the drive to move up you will never get their.
I don't know if this has anything to do with his upbringing, but its certainly a red flag. The fact he's comfortable being a stay at home dad and it doesn't sound like she even knows what his goals are; it sounds like he's complacent. Now if you just want to live the same life every one else is living that's fine, but it sounds like op has higher goals than mediocraty. I'm in a similar position, only I'm the one from a lower class background. My boyfriend is definitely middle class, and I know his friends will never accept me. They make me feel stupid and like a bit of a joke, but he has never made me feel like that.
I'm not really sure how to help you, as I am still looking for help myself! But just know that as long as you don't care about the social gap, you guys will be okay. I have no college education but I'm a Marine veteran working in the technology field. I make significantly more than my significant other even though she has a master's degree and mountains of student loans.
Just because someone choses to take a different path to adulthood doesn't mean they'll end up less successful. It also doesn't make them stupid. I know I'm going to be in the minority here, but. That's not to say there aren't exceptions, but some of the experiences, interests, etc. For instance--I find very few people that appreciate opera, art museums, or the ballet unless they have been exposed to it growing up something more common in higher income households.
I find that a fair number of people find the symphony boring if they haven't grown up with it. Exposure to other cultures? Again, there are exceptions to everything, but I just find that people raised in different socio-economic environments have very different tastes and interests in a lot of ways.
Would I ever let it get in the way of a friendship? Hell no--but friends are also very different than dating someone. Please keep in mind I'm using this as an example--you and your guy may share all kinds of interests, or may have a lot in common. As I said, there are always exceptions. Just make sure he's definitely an exception before you start damaging familial relationships over it. Class differences are not a problem in the least.
Follow your heart on that point. However, I won't sugarcoat this for you: It's possible that you grow to resent him if you are constantly achieving more and more, and he falls behind or becomes too comfortable with having acheived less.
Dating someone outside my social "class". (19/F) : TwoXChromosomes
Conversely, he may become resentful of you if you out-succeed him as this is a non-traditional role for most men to become comortable with. It's not inevitable, but it's possible, and something to consider. My wife and I come from very different backgrounds, have ebbed and flowed with our level of successes, but we've always supported each other, always wanted more out of life, but tempered that with realistic goals as well as not forgetting to enjoy the journey.
It's worked out well for us. This decision shouldn't be about where you both are, its about where you both want to be and if that is compatible. Gauge his ambition against your own. If it annoys you now, it will be 10 fold when you're married. If he's upwardly mobile go for it. If he isn't; prepare to be poorer than you might have been otherwise. I met him when I was Me in a prestigious university with serious ambitions, him without without college eduction and a difficult relationship with his family. He is hilarious, charming and exceptionally loving. We had three fantastic years.
I love him very much and really see him as my soul mate. I've never met anyone who I feel so comfortable with. We had a truly equal relationship with a lot of mutual respect. I had to deal with some elitist comments from my family, which completely shocked me because they are not from wealthy backgrounds themselves. But as soon as they met him they saw how good we were together and the comments stopped.
Unfortunately we separated two weeks ago. We moved away from his home time where I was studying so I could start my graduate job.
The Economics of Romance: 8 Common Ways Social Class Impacts Dating
He tried living here for the best part of a year but he just didn't enjoy the new city. He decided to move back and after a lot a LOT of very serious discussions, we decided that we want different things from life. I want a city life with ambitions of promotions and high power jobs. He wants to live in his local town, with his friends and family nearby.
The 'low-key life' you refer to. It's been the hardest decision we have ever made, but I think it's the right one. We're still in touch and I really hope we remain friends. Ignore your friends, they have no respect, are judgemental and don't deserve any airtime. Enjoy your time with your boyfriend - you are young and obviously very in love so there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy your time together for the time being. Maybe down the line things will change, but so what? I'm feeling pain right now, but I wouldn't give up the last three years of memories for anything. My advice would be this, as far as the two of you making it that depends entirely on the two of you.
If you can ignore what you call your friends and accept what you have there should not be a problem. These friends you say talk down to you are not "friends". Anyone who tries to dissuade you from dating someone who you say you love, I wouldn't be around in the first place. If you tell your friends that you love him and that's it, if they don't drop it they are not your friends, period.
You can't choose who you love and as I tell my wife why I love her I don't know why but I do, I love lots of things about my wife but I like those same things in other people but I love her, that's it good enough for me. Now as far as the ambition that's something you need to communicate with him. Me and my wife almost divorced because we forgot how to talk to each other.
And after you talk to him if you can't handle the outcome you do what you need to. Most everything in this world is done via peer pressure, how you do your hair, how you do your makeup, how skinny you are, what looks good, how to act People don't even realize they lose themselves in this pressure and by trying to be different they are actually conforming more then they want to, a perfect example are Tattoos.
It used to be a sighn of rebellion, to show you didn't follow everyone else but now practically everyone does it because they want to look cool and fit in with friends not everyone but it seems like most. The person who doesn't get the tattoo is seen as conforming, when in reality they are the new rebels Anyway how this relates to your post, your social circle does not understand and you honestly can't force them to understand.
They should however accept your choices, they can give their opinions but then should just say, "Hey this is her decision. As for your Boyfriend, you can't "fix" his family issues, people love to do this they see everything is broken because it doesn't conform with there life. If he is happy let him be happy, voice your Opinion, don't push, just show him how happy your life is with your family and if he decides he wishes he had that, then help him try to find it or some resemblance of it.
Never try to "Fix" these things, it can turn into resentment very quickly besides it is his life choices. As for the money situation and him being a stay at home dad, maybe that is his life goal?
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The important thing is to talk honestly and make sure that it is a discussion not a debate or fight, or turns into one of you attacking the other. Talk about the pros and cons of each thing, and decide between the two of you what is right.
Dating Someone From A 'lower' Social Class? - Romance - Nairaland
However respect each others decisions. You two will do fine, and maybe your right maybe this isn't the guy you lie next to on your deathbed in 80 years with 60 years of a loving relationship, but it could be the guy you spend the next year with happier then ever before or ever again, grab that feeling and hold onto it.
It happens all the time you find someone outside your "social class" you are right with. Social class only matters when meeting strangers and the chances you will have common interests. I dated a girl for a while who was from a nice family who didn't make much money. While dating her everything was great but once we settled in and moved in together money was a source of frustration.
She had a hard time holding on to a job. The point is someone's background shouldn't matter but try to find someone with a head on their shoulders and has some sort of plan. My father came from nothing and made a lot of money planning ahead and working harder than everyone else but you don't have to be rich to be happy.
However when it comes time to settle down if there are money issues it can lead to a very bad situation. Before my relationship I had never been in debt. In the end of that one I was 16, in debt and it took me 5 years to recover. My current wife is a lawyer and we never fight and are very happy. Before we got married we lived in a studio apartment and saved for our house and a future. At your age you can sit down with your boyfriend in a few years if you are still together and hash out a plan. Love is a wonderful thing but also look out for stability.
If there are long term issues, they will become clear and at that point you two can figure something out or go your separate ways. Everything feel good right now, correct? Then just enjoy your time, have fun together and grow closer. You may change together over time and get to a point where you feel you don't need to worry about the future. Next time your friends give you crap over it, tell them you just really like him, so whats the issue?
They should drop it after that if they have any brains. Truth is, you want a rock for a significant other. If he or she is there for you in your ups and downs, and you love him, social class doesn't matter. You can easily marry a very rich guy who will grow to care nothing for you, or a poor guy who will find various ways to make you feel loved even if he doesn't have money spend. If you can see what's in his heart, that is all that matters.
I come from the reservation and my mom joined the air force to get us out of there. I guess technically I come from a "low-class" and I think it's hilarious that those who worry about it are usually those that think they are high up on the social ladder. I personally would find anyone judging where I come from class-less and unattractive. My advice would be to not worry about it. It's not a big deal where you come from. Only where you want to go. If you both want the same thing in life, then that's what matters. I think you're talking about two different things here- different life goals and socioeconomic backgrounds.
You can be ambitious and come from a lower class background- for some people that's what pushes them towards success in the first place. I'm from a lower class background and my boyfriend's mum is a doctor but aside from the usual incident where I don't know the right fork to use or what wine to drink, it doesn't matter that much.
We want the same things, the only difference is he gets more of a head start due to his family's finances.
I make sure everything is split evenly though. However, if you think you and him are going to have completely incompatible life goals then it's worth giving it some thought. Things like your life goals and ambitions should be factors. Any couple regardless of class needs to have common ground, in that respect, in order to succeed. It sounds like you guys are happy. I would keep going with the relationship and just see where it goes. Put your foot down and stand up to your "friends" who question it.
Being in the military myself, that is a risk in itself. People joined the military for different reasons: Sure, if he goes the Officer route then the money is better. The places you go and the experience from it all is amazing. I have been all over the world, seen so many things, went to war, met the most amazing people.
Most people cannot say they have been to Asia, Middle East, Europe, and many other places in their lifetime, but I can. If you are fine with traveling, if he treats you well, that is all you need. Make sure to follow your dreams and goals too. Encourage him to enroll in college while he is in to hopeuflly point him in a direction that he excel.
I will however tell you this, it is not easy being a military spouse. There will be times your relationship is tried, times he will not be home, if he goes to war then you have to worry about his anxiety attacks, depression, PTSD if he get's any of those. If you have a strong relationship you will get through everything. Like many other users have mentioned, you need new friends.
Sounds like they're jealous that you have something special and they don't. Support each other and be faithful to each other. Man reading this post just gave me some anxiety. Really hope you figure it out And the advice is helpful, OP. Friends that poison your thoughts like that aren't really friends. Your friends' state of mind on class is closed. You can move up through the classes through winning the lottery, or working hard and growing a business or a raise at work etc.
You can drop through the classes by gambling away your money, or losing your well paying job. Yes there are possibly some differences, but only if you both don't work through them and balance them. If you are happy as you are, then screw what your friends think. Your friends see a boyfriend as assets, not his laugh, his smile, his sense of humour or his experiences that made him who he is. I always say, you should always be ready to be humbled in life, in your job or those you know.
Your life will be richer for it. So advice, don't listen to their judgement. Maybe be prepared to lose a few 'friend' they were never real friends to start if they are that judgemental and embrace your relationship for what it is, not what class it is defined by.
Hey guys, I just finished reading all your responses after coming home from work. I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded. I really, really appreciate all the personal stories, suggestions, advice I already knew deep down that it doesn't matter who says what as long as we love and respect each other, and although I cannot see where we'll be in 10 years, I really do want to make the best of the time we do spend together. To those of you guys with similar situations as mine, I am delighted to read that you guys are still together with no regrets: Thanks again, I am utterly floored at the thoughtfulness and helpfulness of these replies!!
I wouldn't recommend marrying out of your class. It's hard, and there are class issues that kind of crop up in unexpected ways. I would say don't get too serious.
I married a man from a different social class and as the years passed it became more and more of a disaster. He became more and more working class, and I became less and less myself. To give what may seem a trivial example: When first married we ate at the table, a properly laid table - what I thought of as normal. He ended up carrying his plate through to the sitting room to eat while watching television. Not immediately, but too soon for me!
Maybe after a couple of years. I would be left eating alone at the table with the children. He began to resent what he saw as my airs and graces and which were ,to me ,my normal behavior. Gradually my lifestyle habits were eroded and most things were done his way.. I was a teacher and he was a musician who worked as a welder. His choice of friends were people I had nothing in common with.
Often when I made friends when they met him they retreated. I had a lonely,miserable life. To cut a long story short after 26 years I discovered he was having an affair with a friend of mine. A woman from his same class. He refused to tell me how long it had been going on and eventually I snapped and wrecked the house.
I ended up in a Women's Refuge for eight weeks. I learnt there that I had suffered emotional abuse for years. Have a good time, but don't commit. I cannot recommend it. Enjoy it as learning a bit about another culture. We may as well have been from different countries we were so foreign to each other and it became a bone of contention. In a perfect world class wouldn't matter. It does in the U. In the end his cohorts thought of me as posh and stuck up, I saw his cohorts as mannerless loud idiots I would not want to associate with. Sorry if I've farther thrown cold water on your Romanticism.
You don't test into officer school. Since he's 21 and likely joined at 18 he still has a year or two left before he could even start university. Not to mention he can still work. So "lower class dude" probably has more money than any of her friends when you consider he's also been working the last few years unless mommy and daddy are giving them a ton of money. Unless he tested into officer school with an exception IQ, then as an enlisted man he's probably not.
You have no idea what you are talking about. This is not only patently untrue, it's quite offensive. Girl, he's in the Army. That's a completely legitimate life path. I went to Carnegie Mellon, which is a good school, I'd say, and I'm currently dating a soldier enlisted who didn't finish university and is not especially school-focused.
It's the best relationship I've ever had because he's smart and kind and funny and respectful and gorgeous and generally good at things. Your friends are young enough that I think they're still thinking about dating people for status. In reality, you have to be happy, and maybe you meet a nice boy who's going to become a doctor, or maybe you meet a nice boy who's going to be a plumber, and you can't try to trade up someone who's good in reality for someone who's good on paper.
I am ex military myself. That was a huge red flag for me.
So why, in this day and age, do some of us still think about class when dating?
Please understand that military training involves brain washing. And that, she said, would make actively going out of the way to date people like lawyers or doctors difficult. We ended up having quite a few rows that ultimately went back to our different upbringings. It was probably a main contributor to our eventually breaking up. And that made our differences even starker whenever we met up with them.
Also related to this is a concern over a clash of lifestyle. It seems like such an archaic thing to be caught up on. Are the concerns about class divisions really your own, or are they related to what you fear others will think? What are they really about? Are you equating class with worth?